yummy pick #2

just when things started to look up

I had it before... it was after Davao... and it simply just went away...

Now...

It started before the monsoon rain... I remember it was Saturday... I just woke up with it... slight discomfort lang... but you must understand, mataas talaga ang tolerance ko sa pain... so pasok lang ako, hoping it will go away soon... but then it didn't... it got worst... and I am in a point na di na tumatalab ang pain reliever and even laying down does not help... standing up is an agony... more so walking... and I feel my neuropathy is getting worst...

Self diagnosis... with the help of google... sciatic nerve pain... let me define...

Sciatica is the biggest nerve in the body... it run from the pelvic bone, attached to the spinal cord, running down the lumbar area, at the back of your legs where it branches out... when the sciatica nerve get irritated and flares up, it would cause pain running down your lower back to the back of your legs and even to your knees... the irritation is caused by some factors but mainly by lumbar disc herniation... basically, may na disalign sa spina column ko... causing pressure to the sciatic nerve and thus the excruciating pain...

Still, as per my research... 90% of the cases resolves itself on its own... but it does take time... we are talking up to 3 weeks to months... and that it would be very painful... bed rest is not advise, as it needed to be exercised or risk muscle weakness... pain reliever is prescribed for pain like ibuprofen and aspirin for the pain... home remedy includes hot and cold compress... 

Not working for me...

I have been absent at work for 4 days already... going to the bathroom alone is a challenge for me, getting up in bed is agonizing... changing position in bed is simply insane... imagine me trying to get a jeepney ride to work...

Resign from work is on the table, or so I would like to think... I don't want to... but somehow, despite prayers... I think I am leading that way...

Just took naproxen... hope it saves the day...

yummy pick #1

promises broken

We were seated just outside the door of ARG... he was with his mom... and that he does not look good with the mask and all... he looked at me... I smiled at him... but I must admit, I was quite hesitant... well, you have to understand that he really looked sick and well, I'd be risking myself... plus, what do I know... what would I say... anyhow, people from ARG saw that he was really sick and they have him lay down and that his mom started talking to me... So, it was really his mom that I knew... she told me how much she have suffered seeing her son go through what he was going, and how willing she was to fight more for her son...

I promised her that things are going to be okay... or at least, things are going to be better... and that I remember telling her to look around and that she saw that there is hope... that the other people who were there don't look sick at all, and that one day, her son would be like them one day... I promised her that...

It was really funny then, because I don't know what my number is... and that I wanted to give him my number for him to have someone to talk to... so instead, I gave him my twitter account, and thinking, at least, if he had questions, there would be some other pozzies that may answer and that he would have other pozzie friends... 

That was the most that I could do, be a promo girl... hahahahahahaha... I know I could do better and that I should do better... but that time... I can only be a poster guy...

Days came and went... never heard of him... or so I thought...

I get my ARV refill every 3 months... and so, almost 3 months later, I was back at ARG... and there they were again... He was looking better... not yet good but better... her mom said he was doing better and though tired was very optimistic about things... 

Mom was tired, she dozed off seating there as we wait for our turn... and that we chatted... I mentioned to him about the twitter... telling him that he must... to gain friends and have someone to talk to... and that I was armed with a smart phone... blackberry torch... and that I showed him my wall... and that apparently, he was in twitter too... and that he was following me...

And that he actually tried to hit on me... after he asked me to hand a note to someone at ARG... like really, com'on!!!

I was not really fond of him... I thought his equation seemed correct but for some reason, I find it so wrong... and that I was at a lost with him... but then again, I guess that was the whole idea of me wanting him on twitter, so if I couldn't handle him, someone could... and that I let him be and just thought he is a kid... 21, I think... you are still a kid at 21... don't you dare think otherwise... you think you know what life is about at that age... but no...

I did note in his twits about him blacking out and that he suffers from great head aches and vision loss... but I was not paying much attention to it... I also noted that he was being tested for Lupus... I don't know what Lupus is... I think Ferdinand Marcos died of lupus... but not really familiar with it... I did note... but I was not paying much attention... well, I have a life to tend to and that I really don't think i could do much...

Mayhaps... I could have visited him at the hospital... but... I don't know...

And then, the twit came... one have fallen... and it was him... 

Really, perhaps there was nothing that I could do... perhaps I could have been there for him and his mom... I bleed for his mom... she had so much hope and was to fight for him... I promised her things are going to be okay... at least, better... much better... 

Well, I was thinking last night... He is in a better place... and that at some point, I envied him... it's done... it's over... he is now resting... no more pain... no more worries... no more disappointment... unlike us, we are left to fight... stand up when we fall on the ground... live with disappointment and blows of life... hurting our families... our mothers... hoping against all hope... praying to at least get use to it than things getting better...

He is in a far better place now... he is at the best...

hub talk

Perhaps you can argue that RITM, having the least number of patients among the 3 HIV Treatment hubs in the Metropolis, that it would be the best hub for you being it would mean more time and attention can be given to you and the risk of running into someone you know is lesser... I would beg to differ and that the second reason should not be even considered in your choosing which would you go to...

I am from RITM... which is in Alabang, Muntinlupa... and I am unfortunately from Pasig, near Marikina and Cainta... and that it takes me more or less 2 hours before I get there for ARV refills and check up... And that it have been a problem, kasi minsan suddenly nagkafever ulit ako and alam naman natin na with our condition hindi na natin pwedeng basta-basta wag pansinin ang lagnat as it can mean something worse... so I wanted sana to have myself check right away... eh kaso, ang layo ng RITM sa akin at kung pipilitin ko na pumunta, eh baka lalong lumala... so you see, the first thing you need to consider in choosing your treatment hub is location... 

Your treatment hub needs to be the nearest one to you and most convenient... Para anytime na may mangyari sa'yo or you needed something, mas madali... actually yan lang yung dapat na batayan mo sa pagpili ng treatment hub... I have heard time and again, that one of the consideration kasi is anonymity... natatakot sila na may makakita sa kanila na kakilala nila, natatakot sila that people would know that they have HIV...

Medyo secluded nga ang RITM, one of the reasons nga why mas kounti ang pasyente... pero may pasyente pa rin at may mga tao pa rin... so para sa akin di valid yung reason na yan... mas delikado nga na makita ka sa RITM kasi unlike SLH and PGH, hindi general hospital ang RITM... at least, kung nakita ka sa PGH or SLH pwede mong sabihin na kasi malala na sipono ubo... sa RITM, ano? Nakagat ka ng aso?

Pero kasi in our condition, and to what we know now about it... prejudice and bigotry should be our least of our concerns... sure, despite the massive growth of HIV infection in this past years here in our country eh madami pa rin ang mababaw ang pagunawa sa sakit natin... I think one of the reason why is we are in denial of it... we deny that we are HIV+ and living normal lives, and in denial that it could not happen to us... 

This may sound preachy pero kasi... people tend to believe it is still a dreaded disease... when in truth, as in this time and age, it is now equated to having hypertension and diabetes... which are two of the top killers in the Philippines... and sure, while this two disease are hereditary in nature at ang HIV is communicable through having unprotected sex... eh ano ngayon, sa maganda ako, nagpakatotoo lang ako, at naging mahina sa tawag ng laman... ano ngayon? 

Ang point ko lang is that, we are still wrapped around the idea na the reason we got HIV is because we were immoral to the extend na sakit pa rin ng mga bakla, na ayun sa sabihan eh masama... kaya tayo nagkaAIDS kasi immoral tayo... and that we fearing the bigotry and prejudice, makes it more a fact...

Di ko naman sinasabi na ipagsigawan mo sa boung mundo... I just don't think it should be something we should be ashamed of...

Sorry... medyo nalihis yata... let us go back...

Yun nga, the only reason you should consider in choosing your hub is location... kung madali ba sa'yong mapuntahan, makatakbo sa hub mo... kasi nga anytime na may mangyari sa'yo o may concern ka, di magiging masyadong hassle...

I won't try to raise a debate in which one is the best among the three hubs... nakakatawa nga kasi pag pinagcocompare, ang RITM daw exclusive school, ang PGH is pag intellectual... at ang SLH pang poor... ah ewan sa inyo, pero medyo totoo yung sa RITM, kasi as compared dun sa 2, mahal ang RITM... tulad ng pagpapaCD4, libre sa SLH... pero pareparehong public ang 3 hospital na yan ha... The thing is, I don't know about SLH, pero sa PGH... you are given a doctor to handle you as his or her patient... kasi sa RITM, iba-iba... papalit palit... every 2 weeks yata ibang doctor nanaman... so hindi natutukan ng isang tao lang ang kaso mo ang history, which is very important... as we all know naman kasi, lifetime achievement award ang HIV so kailangan may doctor ka na kahit in a period of time eh alam ang history mo... Sa RITM kasi minsan, kailangan ko pang ikwento yung history ko or kailanga ireview yung folder ko... so kung sakaling nahihingalo ka, either kailangan mong pilitin ikwento ang lahat ng nangyari sa'yo o they need to review and study your history... di ba?

Though this could be remedied naman... you can get a private doctor... an infectious disease doctor who would monitor you... competitive naman ang rates, to what I heard one of the most esteemed infectious disease specialist, si Dr. Ditangco, charges 500 pesos... well, libre ang check up sa PGH and the other two hubs, pero kung kaya mo naman di ba... may mga tao na pangkape lang nila yan... you will still need a hub for your ARV refill... pero the thing is may isa kang doctor who you can built a relationship with in maintaining your health...

Nasa sidebar ko ang list ng mga treatment hubs all over the country, with their address and phone numbers...