I do have a great sense of direction...

I need to find a place... I stumble to it immediately, like I know where exactly it is... I'm lucky that way... I was at RITM, OPD Annex was moved, don't know where, but just walked on a general direction and there I was... the same thing happened actually when I went to RITM the first time... that was May... never been to Alabang before... but when I got there, I was told to look for the new firehouse, literally I stumbled on it... nadapa ako as usual ng walang karason-rason and when I look as I pick myself up, there's the firehouse... galing 'no...

I went kasi last night I notice na kounti na lang yung ARV ko... and indeed for 9 days na lang siya, so tipong 1 weeks na lang... eh ayoko naman mangyari ulit tulad nung huli na naubusan ako at tipong laki ng problema... so I decided to go... long due na rin kasi yung need for me to see a doctor... because of my neuropathy and the blood stain on my sputum...

Good thing pa, I went later... I was planning sana to go really early to avoid traffic... like before 6am early... mabuti na lang natakot ako sa lamig tubig pag naligo ako... so I left around 9 na, and arrived at RITM almost 11 am na... buti na lang, kasi there were no doctors available... the doctor only came after lunch... but even so, I was only able to talk to a doctor around 3 pm na... 

Wait... do you maintain a private doctor? Should I maintain a private doctor and just go to RITM for ARV refills? 

Why am I even asking, as if I could afford it...

O sige, out of curiosity...

So I told the doctor about the neuropathic pain... I told her about the last time when I told about the doctor about it, and was recommended to take Vitamin B Complex... I told her that I was taking Neurogen E... but to no avail... so she decided to put me on Gabapentin, which when I check, according to wikipedia:

 "provides significant pain relief in about a third of people who take it for fibromyalgia or chronic neuropathic pain. It is also effective in reducing narcotic usage post operatively and is helpful in neuropathic pain due to cancer. It has not been shown to be useful for HIV associated sensory neuropathy. When used for neuropathic pain it does not appear superior to carbamazepine. Further evidence is needed to determine if it is effective for migraine prevention. It appears to be equally effective as pregabalin and is of lower cost. It does not appear to be of benefit in treating complex regional pain syndrome." 

Sounds promising... she also recommended a Vitamin B complex brand, as it is more concentrated... Neurobion?

I also mention about the blood streak on my phlegm... explaining that I was a TB patient, recovering, I hope... She was a bit concern... but when I explained the circumstances, like I have no shortness in breathe or difficulty in breathing, no fever, no lost of appetite... she was relieved... she think it is just gasgas sa lalamonan... but just to make sure and anyway it was my fifth month of therapy... she wants me to take sputum test...

And then, maybe she just thought to ask, if the family have a history of diabetes, which, yes we do... and she thinks, though I am too young, high blood sugar can also cause neuropathy... so she also wants me to take blood sugar test, I forgot the right term but basically that is another test...

So, I started on ARV around 2nd week of June... My CD4 was done about a week or so before that... so my 2nd CD4 should be around 1st week of December... the doctor noted that... and educated me na malakas magpapayat ang Stavudine... she explained that perhaps the reason why I was given Stavudine before was because I have low hemoglobin... so she ordered, aside from CD4 count, CBC... she also just gave me just a month supply of ARV, since yun nga, next month, I might be given a different combination of ARV...

On Skins season 4, Episode 5: JJ is in love with Lara Lloyd, a fellow employee at a confectionery shop, but lacks the courage to ask her out. Thomas gets JJ to ask her out and she accepts. He visits Lara’s flat and discovers that she is a single mother with a young child. Lara’s ex-boyfriend, Liam, walks in and threatens JJ, telling him to leave Lara and his child alone. The date goes disastrously as a result, and Lara leaves. JJ finds her and they have sex at Lara’s. JJ returns home but his mother takes him to the clinic for more medication. JJ lets Lara meet Naomi and Emily. Upstairs, Emily tells JJ that Lara is using him to get back at her ex. JJ snaps at Emily and makes remarks on her own relationship, reducing her to tears. JJ’s family also think Lara is a slut and she leaves, offended. JJ becomes angry and beats up Liam when he sees him talking to Lara, who then calls off their relationship. JJ apologises to Liam who tells JJ he loves his child and for JJ to look after Lara. JJ serenades Lara with a ukelele version of 'True' by Spandau Ballet, and she takes him back.


On my way home, I pass by Mercury Drug... I took out the prescription for my neuropthy... and have them priced it... Gabapantin is Php29.75 each, a table a day, for 15 days... and the Neurobion is Php17.50 each, a tablet a day, for 30 days... so I was looking at Php446.25, just for the Gabapantin... and if I just get 15 tablets of the neurobion, Php262.50... I only just have Php1500... naiyak ako...


Wala, naawa ako sa sarile ko... wala kasi akong pambili... akala ko kasi matatapos na yung hirap ko... yung sakit... I was so hopeful... pero, yun nga... mahal pala... tapos I started thinking saan ko kukunin yung pambayad dun sa mga test... CD4 alone cost Php3000... as it is hirap na hirap na kami to make things meet... so yun, sa paglabas ko ng Mercury, naiyak na lang ako... try ko pigilan kasi nakakahiya... pero wala... di ko mapigilan... umupo na lang ako sa isang tabi... 


Feeling ko kasi talong talo na ko... and as much as I want to fight back it is either I am starting to believe that it is no use... o pagod na pagod na lang ako...


Syempre drama lang yan... wala naman ako choice but to get up, wipe my tears away, hail a jeep... get home and be crazy again to believe everything is going to be okay...