learning

I was at the TB/HIV opd annex at RITM, for the check up and for my papers. and if you are there, your fellow HIV+ comes and go. Young and old. Most of them for arv refill. They come in all shapes and sizes. They are getting younger, I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. Good thing I guess as it was detected and being taking care off earlier. While, look at me, what happened to me. It was almost too late.

I encourage you to get tested.

I would recommend you get tested at RITM.

They are family there. I felt I was family in the short time, I was even only there 3 times, when I got tested, when I asked help to get confined and today when I got myself checked up. Shola, is the big sister.

And not to scare you, I did a lot of unprotected sex on bath houses. I have been around bathhouses and that if I feel horny, which basically is every week, on my off, I go to bathhouses and not chat at MIRC or find someone at Planetromeo. I did try to practice safe sex most of the time, specially this later years, but we are talking about, I started having sex 21, I am now 32...

So, if ever, you had unprotected sex at any bathhouses, I urge you to get tested. Well, if you had unprotected casual sex, get tested.

HIV now is as I also seen, is like having diabetis, or hypertension. With diabetis, it's your sugar you need to maintain, with hypertension, it's your blood pressure you watch out. with HIV, it's your immune system. all three will eventually require maintenance. HIV have ARVs.

It is not cureable. But then so is diabetis and hypertension. the secret to it is knowing about it and so you can monitor it and control it.

check up

As I said, I have no choice but to fight back. I can't just accept that I am dying. There is no fun to that, just wasting away. I may get disappointed after disppointment but I guess that will be part of the emotional roller coaster I am in.

All they know is that I am a TB patient. HIV is far from anyone psyche. But apparently, because of my TB, I am no longer welcome at home, in Marikina. My cousin avoids talking to me, they don't use the bathroom I use, and though I have really separate utensils and plate and caps and whatnot, they wanted it really separate.

I have no choice. I have to leave for Davao. Davao, whom I know no one, which I don't speak the dialect.

I just need to stay in Marikina for 1 week as my doctor wanted to see me after a week. That's today.

Doc noticed, I did gain 5 kg since the last time, I was weighted only 45kg. He congratulate me on that, giving him confidence to allow me to go to Davao and recover there. He believes I would be able to do this. He started me with ARV. There are 2, I was given a month supply. It was explained to me that I have to start treatment first for TB before they start with ARV. This is normal procedure as the body won't be able to handle both. and it was not because I am dying and could no longer do anything about it.

I asked if I would be able to recover my cd4 count. the answer was yes, with the ARV.

There is so much I don't know.

But I am set, all my records were photocopied, I was given refferrals, I was given 2 months worth of TB meds. I am set to go to Davao, I have my ticket printed.

So wish me luck...

discharge summary

I got committed, Friday, May 27, 2011 at RITM because of on going fever. I got discharged, Friday, June 10, 2011. Exactly two weeks.

After all the lab test, finally through sputum test, it showed I have tuberculosis. That is what is causing the fever, that is what is causing the appetite lost. That is what is causing the weight lost, that is what is causing all this suffering. To my mom and papa, this explains everything. But we, the doctors, were skirting around my other condition. They are under strict instruction not to mention it.

So they did not.

But guess they have to on my discharge summary which is written in pencil and longhand—thank God!!! for I guess if it were type written and clearer they would have took time out to read it and there they would find out, as I found out.

In the diagnosis space it says: HIV AIDS Stage 4, PTB, and oral infection.

I was not able to ask, the doctor didn't see us before we left. She just said if the lab result—they took another CBC test—will look okay, she would draw the paper for our release. I don't know, perhaps it did look good. They said they wanted to see me the next Friday, June 17, 2011. I don't know.

I am thinking they sent me home because at that point, they can no longer do something about me... that I am dying and that I should just spend the rest of my days in comfort and with my family.

I am in no medication for HIV AIDS, just for the TB.

I don't know why, I should be on ARV, with my CD4 count of 22.

All I can see as the reason is that I am dying.

But I have faith. It dwindles sometimes. But I want to live. I want to recover from this. I want to come back and come back stronger despite AIDS, despite TB, I am going to pull my self up again, stand up, make a living, help my family, and return everything they have lost because of me.

I have Faith. I believe that God will make this happen, with all the prayers from friends and family. I believe the Ever Virgin Mother would intercede for me, praying for me that I shall recover, I believe that in continuous prayer, I would be able to recover, get back on my feet.

We were at Sta Clara, in Quezon City the other day. Where the nuns in seclusion, the nuns of the order of St. Clare, lead the prayers, and accept eggs and prayer petition. I did that. Petitioning them to pray for me that I shall recover. I believe with their prayers alone, I would surely recover.

I am keeping the faith!!!

going

I was not sure about going home.

The hospital room is not comfortable, but if I need to stay, I would stay, specially that I am still having fevers, small fever, easily fixed by a tablet of paracetamol. But nonetheless fever.

But the doctor insisted that I can go home already. And that they advise it as staying longer in the hospital my subject me to other infection.

So, the papers were drawn, hospital bill was paid. And there we were, in front of RITM, waiting for the taxi we ordered, to take us home in Marikina.

22

CD4 count was 22, The young doctor told me to confirm to me that I am HIV+ as I was trying to talk her to striking out anything that says I am HIV+ as first I didn't get any confirmation letter yet. The official result letter of my HIV test. And that, I don't want my mom, dad and uncle know about it. At least not just yet. I want to deal first with the TB.

But she was not getting it and told me my CD4 count is just 22. It is confirmed, I am HIV+...

Everybody respected my decision. From the nurse, to the doctors, not to mention anything about HIV and that I am an HIV patient.

As far as my parent's concern, I am a TB patient.